I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
