a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
