I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
