we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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