im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
