New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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