I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
