I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
