Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
