I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
