"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
