Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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