you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
