bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
