I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize