I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize