Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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