can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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