Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
