she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
