you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
