I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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