It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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