I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
