Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
