WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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