He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
