i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
