I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
