sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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