I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
