Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
