I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i now understand why vodka
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
