We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
