You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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