What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
In America we eat man semen.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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