please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize