Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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