A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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