Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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