similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
