My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
