i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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