Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just high enough for therapy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
