Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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