We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
