My room smells like vodka and shame
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
