turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
