everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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