I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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