My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
