I'm passing your future prison.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
