i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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