if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I want her autograph on my taint
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
