3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
