Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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