Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
