i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
