were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
