Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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