Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
