i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
