Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
