YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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