You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
