I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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