you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
