Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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