My room smells like vodka and shame
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I deserve this hangover.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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