Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We got so high we made milksteak
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
